Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Redheads got some Satan in 'em - look out!

One thing that ya come to find as a genteel southern gentleman is that while ya may know right from wrong and good from bad, there are a lotta other riff-raff and the like who just don't seem to get it.

That's why I'm out here. I will help you to think the right way and avoid things that lead to rapscallionous activities. Sometimes people get to fussin over things and they try to be all hoity toity but as my grandmammy used to say, "if ya mess ya pants, I'm gonna smell it".

So let's spend today talking about somebody you need to be keepin' an eye on.

Red Heads

I shouldn't cast dispoisions on all ginguhs as they can't help it that the have hair like the devil, but just cuz it ain't ya fault doesn't mean I don't have my eye on ya. Little ginguh kids just put the scare into me - no offense.

There are some good ginguhs out there like Amy Adams. She looks like the belle of the ball 'cept for that red she's got woiking up top but it looks okay on her.

On the other hand, you could end up being on the othuh side of the whippin' switch and end up like that ginguh coach on the sideline for Penn State. Slow-footed Little Ten football is bad enough, but that same slow-footed Little Ten team with another former Penn State QB who happens to be a ginguh coach is the absolute woist.

Beware of the ginguhs and as always, beware of the Little Ten.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Tubby is a dummy and I don't trust Vandy

I think the facts speak fo themselves. Tubby Smith tried to ruin the good name of Wildcat basketball. Sure he mighta won a title, but who doesn't at Kentucky? That ain't no big deal.

He took what that Yankee Rick Pitino had done and made an everlovin' mockery outta it. He's somewhere between a scallywag and just an imbecile.

Now we have young Billy Clyde G. ridin' in on his white horse tryin' to save the day and he did his damndest against those Dores from Vandy.

Vandy may be in Tennessee but that ain't no southern school to be sure. In fact, if the Civil War had broke out and schools had to choose up sides, I'm almost coitain that those halfway carpetbagguhs woulda chose up the wrong side.

We don't mind them hangin' around our conference for awhile as long as they tend to their schoolin' but I would drop them in heartbeat if we could get Clemson and those fine fellas in this here conference.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Somebody stunk at the Piggly Wiggly

I don't usually do my own shoppin' since my wife and Mable can both handle those chore, but I decided to go out to the Piggly Wiggly today because I had to get some Clementine oranges and I can't trust a woman to pick out some Clementines because they can't identify the level of suppleness that this southern man prefers.

So I drive up there and start to fetchin' some Clementines and before you know it I smell something that smells like a hog's ass. It was honest to gawd hog filth - or at least it smelt like it. So I was looking around the Wiggly trying to see if somebody had tracked some filth in on their shoes and before you knew it, I realized that the fella standing next to me was the source of the stinkiness.

Now I don't mind when ya been woirking hard all day out in a field somewhere trying to be a productive member of the South and you start to develop an air of yuck to ya, but this was just a case of not bathin'. What God fearing southern man doesn't bath on the Lord's day? Trick question cuz there ain't none.

This man was of a different ilk and not what you would expect to see at the Wiggly. He's the kind a guy ya keep your eye on at the airport. Oh, for no other reason than you don't want his stink next to ya on the plane.... that's all I was sayin'. Keep our country stink free is what SEC Guy says.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Mississippi's own saves the day (of course)

I'm not a big fan of NFL football because it isn't exciting like SEC football. It's played by a bunch of billionaire spoiled babies and wannabe rappers. However, I will admit that I will watch the playoffs b'cuz it eliminates most of the riff-raff and gets down to the real players like Brett Favre and Peyton Manning.

The Green Bay Packers looked mighty fine as they was lead by the favorite son of the great state of Mississippi, Brett Favre. Even though he played in a junior high football conference, I still consider him an honorary SEC quarterback.

Favre likes to stay in the pocket rather than scramble around like some kind of young video game playin' hooligan. Vince Young, Michael "Prison Stripes" Vick and the like love to scramble around. Well they have to since they can't go through progressions and they can't seem to quite get the hang of readin' defenses.

Mississippi's own just buttered Seattle's bread for 'em and the Packers looked good despite Ryan Grant's attempts at ruinin' the whole season. On that second fumble, I knew why he wasn't bred to play in the SEC - no heart. He tried his best to ruin the good name and reputation of Favre, but was unsuccessful as good prevailed over evil.